HolyStarDown (holystardown) wrote,

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Title: I Guess He'll Never Know 2b
Length: Double-Shot
Author: HolyStarDown
Pairing: Yunjae
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst. effing angst...
Summary: Jaejoong gets on the plane to Japan and realizes he's made the biggest mistake of his life
Author's Note: This is obviously the unplanned sequel to "I Guess He'll Never Know" they are written in first person from Jaejoong's point of view unlike the original, which was written in second person from Yunho's POV. there's this sequel ((2b)) or the happier ending sequel ((2a)) you can either read just one or both, depending on whatever you feel like doing i guess :] hope neither of them disappoint! AND PLEASE COMMENT! as you can see, commenting leads to insipration :D


It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do to walk away from him. To pretend that I was listening to every word Heebin was saying. To pretend that I didn’t hear his sobs that still echoed clearly in my mind even as I entered the airport. To pretend that I loved this thing clinging to my arm when I was leaving the one I really loved behind me. But I knew I was doing the right thing for both of us, no matter how much I loathed the disgusting giggles that escaped Heebin’s tiny mouth. I was sure that by leaving him for good, I was opening so many doors from him that he wouldn’t have if he still held onto the hope of us being together.


He could marry one of the hundreds of rich, beautiful women lined up to be his bride, instead of having to live a gigantic lie if he were with me. He was strong, I knew that, and we both knew that he’d be better off without me in his life. Sure I heard his tears as I left him behind in the park, but in a few minutes he’d realize that we weren’t meant to be together and it was supposed to be this way. Even as all these thoughts raced through my mind, the gold ring on my left hand still felt like a band of acid burning into my skin.


The entire progression through the airport was a blur, and before I knew it, I was sitting on the plane, staring out into the sunset while Heebin snuggled into my side. “I’m so glad we’re finally getting married Jaejoong. I couldn’t be any happier,” she whispered softly.


“Me too…” I lied with an absent nod. No sooner than the words coming out of my mouth did my thoughts wonder back to him and how broken he looked when I said that Heebin was my fiancé; in the three short months I was with him, I had learned his reactions to everything. If he felt there was any emotional or physical threat, he would automatically cover the most vulnerable part of his body. When he felt a physical threat, he would usually cover his throat, or if he had a broken arm or something, his arm. And when he felt an emotional threat, he would have that destroyed look on his face and always covered his heart. He would stay in one place without moving an inch if he was hurt deeply enough and then never return to that spot again. My eyes slid closed as the scene from just a few hours ago played for the umpteenth time since it happened.


“Hey,” he greets as a puff of white floats away from the mouth you were all too familiar with.


“Hey,” you reply as you rise to your feet. Your eyes stay focused on the face you hadn’t seen in far too long. His little accessory didn’t exist as far as you’re concerned. You stare at each other for a long time until the accessory nudges his arm and whispers something in his ear with a small giggle.


His face loses its real light, overtaken by the façade of false happiness. “Yunho-ah, I’d like you to meet Heebin…” he says in his angelic voice with a short pause. “…my fiancé.”


You’re amazed that the entire world didn’t hear your heart split open. The life in your face drains out and leaves you hollow- dead to the rest of the universe. Your right hand instinctively slides into your jacket pocket.


The memory was cut short, invaded by a new stream of thought. Wait a second, he didn’t cover his heart. I know for a fact he was feeling a threat, but he didn’t cover his heart. He covered his… stomach? That couldn’t be right. I felt my eyebrows knit together as I kept my eyes sealed shut, blocking out the rest of the world and the memory replayed again.


His face loses its real light, overtaken by the façade of false happiness. “Yunho-ah, I’d like you to meet Heebin…” he says in his angelic voice with a short pause. “…my fiancé.”


You’re amazed that the entire world didn’t hear your heart split open. The life in your face drains out and leaves you hollow- dead to the rest of the universe. Your right hand instinctively slides into your jacket pocket.


Why would he cover his stomach when I told him Heebin was my fiancé? Maybe it was already hurting when I told him. What other explanation was there? I relaxed slightly, but my mind dove me into yet another memory: the one that happened after of ten minutes of mental preparation and the decision to tell him I was moving to Japan for good.




“I want to see you again. Could you meet me in the park in about an hour?”


I could easily hear the excitement in his reply. “Yeah of course! What’s the occasion?”


“Nothing… There’s just… something I’d rather tell you face to face… That’s all.”


“Good. There’s something I need to tell you too Jaejoong. I’ll be waiting for you when you get there.”


“Thanks… Bye.” I didn’t wait for him to say his goodbye to hang up the phone and fall back onto my bed. He would be saying it soon enough.


My eyes snapped open at the realization of his words. He needed to tell me something, and I highly doubted that he just wanted to say that his stomach hurt. The breath was forced out of my lungs, only to be filled again with a sharp gasp.


“Jaejoongie, what’s wrong?” Heebin asked quietly with her words slightly muffled by my shirt.


“He wasn’t just crying for himself…” was all I could manage to say as I pushed Heebin off of my shoulder and stood up.


“This is your pilot Lee Shinji, please fasten your seatbelts and we’ll be taking off momentarily,” a crackly voice announced from the small speaker over my head.


“NO! I have to get off!” I cried in desperation, pushing my way past the flight attendant to the front of the plane.


“Sir, please take your seat. We’re about to take off. Sir? Sir!” But their voices didn’t reach me. My mind was too far gone. I couldn’t even hear Heebin screaming after me as I shoved my way out of the plane and back into the airport. My feet hardly hit the ground while I ran past everything and everyone, not caring who yelled at me or who I ran into, as long as I made the distance between him and me shorter. But no matter how fast I moved, everything was too slow. Finding my black BMW in the parking garage, torturously slow. Fumbling with the keys to turn the car on, dreadfully slow. Driving sixty five miles an hour in the car towards the park, still too slow. Nothing was fast enough until I jumped out of the car and ran my heart out to that park bench I knew he was still standing in front of, still crying for two people.


I screamed his name at the top of my lungs as I ran, not caring who heard me as long as he did.


But when I reached the park bench where I had left him… he was gone. It took me a few minutes to get moving again, this time towards his apartment. Not even seventy miles per hour was fast enough, and I only found relief when I was at his door. Against my better judgment, I’d kept the key to his apartment even though I had no intention of ever returning. The second I touched the door, however, it was apparent that I didn’t need it. The frozen metal swung open just enough for me to see inside; a black jacket carelessly thrown in the middle of the hall and a dim lamp shining off in one of the rooms to the side- his room.


I called his name softly as I stepped into his home, only to be answered by silence so thick my footsteps boomed like miniature earthquakes. The seven steps it took me to get to his room (yes, I counted) were in slow motion, and I called his name again when I reached the small beam of light shining out into the hall. The opening was only large enough for me to see wine spilled on the soft white carpet and his hand still loosely wrapped around the glass stem. I was almost reluctant to push the door open any farther. Almost. And when I did, I saw everything. The love of my life lying on the floor, staring with unseeing eyes at the ceiling, with one arm wrapped around his midsection and one outstretched, holding the glass of wine that had been spilled all over the carpet as if it were his blood. A small orange case still lay on the nightstand, its contents of small white pills littering the dark wood beside the lamp.


I looked upon the scene in horror; this was all my fault. Sobs wracked my body as I fell to my knees beside him, screaming his name over and over like my mind actually believed it would bring him back. I finally collapsed on top of him, clinging to his body for dear life, and I almost didn’t notice the picture tucked away underneath his arm. I didn’t even have to look at it to know that it was a picture of me I had given to him for his birthday, and it only made me cry harder. I have to live with the knowledge that the one I love the most is dead, and he died because of me.

A/N: this is the picture:

T-T that's all i can say


Tags: fanfic, yunjae
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