Title: Five Stages of Grief
Length: One-shot ((1522 words))
Pairing: Yunjae and very slight Yoosu
Rating: PG-13 for suggestions
Genre: um… cracktastic?
Disclaimer: I could only wish I owned them. WHERE THE HELL IS MY SHOOTING STAR??
Summary: This is what happens when Jaejoong thinks Yunho is giving more attention to his precious stuffed animal than him.
Author's Note: I know a whole bunch of people have done the whole “Jaejoong steals Bambi because he’s jealous” thing, but I couldn’t let my spontaneous idea go to waste. I wrote this in about an hour so… I hope it doesn’t disappoint.
Stage 1: Denial
Yunho flitted around the Dong Bang Shin Ki apartment with his hands raking through his hair like a madman. “This is not happening. This is not happening. Bambi is exactly where I left her. There’s nothing to worry about. Bambi isn’t gone,” he kept muttering to himself as he opened every single cabinet and drawer in sight, throwing their contents in random directions.
Jaejoong sat on the couch, indifferently flipping through pages in a magazine and running his tongue over his bottom lip. He only paid half a mind to his distressed lover in his quest to find the stuffed animal that he loathed so much.
Yunho finally stopped in front of the couch and started wringing his hands. He stood there in silence until Jaejoong finally looked at him over the rim of his glasses. “Can I help you?” Jaejoong asked flatly.
“Joongie…” Yunho whined. “Bambi is still on our bed, isn’t she?”
Jaejoong returned his gaze to his magazine and flipped the page. “Nope.”
Yunho’s eyes widened. “No?? But- but, she has to be there! I never took her out of our room! It’s not like she could have walked out on her own!”
“I know that Yunho. I took her.”
Stage 2: Anger
The world stood frozen for a few seconds while Yunho stared at the top of Jaejoong’s head. Then, fire exploded in front of his eyes and everything went in fast motion. “You WHAT???” Yunho shrieked.
Jaejoong’s head jerked up. “You were paying more attention to that stupid stuffed animal than to me and I got jealous, sooo I took her,” he replied matter-of-factly, closing his magazine and setting it on the in-table beside him.
“HOW COULD YOU!?!” Yunho yelled. He threw his arms in the air and exhaled through clenched teeth. “You are going to pay if you don’t tell me where she is right now Kim Jaejoong!”
Jaejoong smirked and set his glasses beside the magazine. “Oh really?” Almost as soon as the words escaped his lips, Yunho lunged forward. Jaejoong sprang up and Yunho crashed into the couch with a muffled grunt. Jaejoong leapt over the back, laughing, and landed in a kneel, instantly taking off. Yunho tried to jump over the back of the couch also, but his foot caught the top, sending him and the back of the couch to the ground as Jaejoong ran down the hall to their room. Jaejoong slammed their door shut seconds later. Yunho sighed deeply and rested his cheek on the wooden floor, silently cursing his lover’s jealousy.
Stage 3: Bargaining
Yunho lightly knocked on the door to their shared room and pressed his ear against the smooth wood. After a few seconds of silence, he tried to turn the knob. Locked. He released the doorknob and knocked again. “Jaejoongie… Open the door please?”
“Are you going to try to strangle me?” came the answer from only one step behind the door.
Yunho smiled as sweetly as he could, even though he knew Jaejoong couldn’t see it. “Of course not Boo… I was just angry, that’s all. But I’m over it now. Just open the door.” He heard a small click and the door opened to a tentative Jaejoong chewing on his bottom lip. Yunho smiled, wrapped his arms around his lover, and backed him up to their bed. Jaejoong’s knees buckled and they both fell onto the soft sheets.
Yunho’s smile widened and he trailed kisses down Jaejoong’s neck to his shoulder. “So Jaejoong, how about you give me back Bambi…” He nipped at the skin between Jaejoong’s neck and shoulder before continuing. “And you can get the rest of this…”
Jaejoong clamped his teeth on his lip to keep back the moan he felt pushing up his throat. He pushed Yunho up and rolled away from him. “I’m not giving it back.”
Yunho twisted his finger in the older’s soft blonde hair. “Come on Joongie… There has to be something you want enough to give Bambi back to me.”
Jaejoong pulled Yunho’s hand away. “Nope. You’re just going to have to settle for me instead,” he replied with a triumphant smile.
“How about I do the dishes for a month?” Yunho offered.
“I’ll just have to go back over them when you’re done.”
“I’ll let you top whenever you want.”
“No you won’t.”
“Why do you say that?”
Jaejoong rolled his eyes. “Because I know that’s one thing you would never really offer.”
“Then I’ll do whatever you tell me to do.” Yunho sat beside Jaejoong on the bed and took both of his hands.
Jaejoong stared at their hands for a second before returning his eyes to Yunho. “Starting now?”
“Then stop trying to bribe me into telling you where Bambi is.” With that Jaejoong stood up and left the room, another triumphant smile gracing his lips.
Stage 4: Depression
Yoochun walked into the living room to find Yunho curled up on the couch with his arms wound around a bucket of ice cream and a spoon between his lips. He blinked at his hyung and sat down beside him slowly. “Is… something wrong Hyung?” he asked.
“Jaejoong kidnapped Bambi and won’t give her back,” Yunho answered glumly, scooping another spoonful of ice cream and shoving it into his mouth.
Yoochun stared at Yunho in silence before bursting out laughing. He wrapped his arms around his waist and leaned forward, nearly falling over. “Jae hahaha Joong haha kidnapped hah kidnapped hahaha Bambi??” Yoochun continued laughing as Yunho stuck his bottom lip out in a pout. After a little while, his laughter began to die down. “Oh my God. This is way too funny.” He stood up and went down the hall to his and Junsu’s room, quickly disappearing behind the frame. “Junsu! You’ve gotta hear this!”
Yunho heard a jagged mumbling sound followed by a shrill dolphin squeak and two voices of laughter. He sank lower into the fluffy cushions and shoved yet another spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. That’s it… Yunho thought. The world has officially turned against me…
Stage 5: Acceptance
The next morning, Jaejoong still hadn’t surrendered Bambi to her rightful owner. The band’s lead singer danced around the kitchen, humming softly as he prepared breakfast for his dongsaengs. He was buttering two perfectly golden pieces of toast when a pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist and a tan cheek rested on his shoulder.
“Morning BooJae,” Yunho said in a surprisingly cheerful mood.
“Um, good morning,” Jaejoong said. “Are you still bummed about me taking Bambi?”
“Nope,” Yunho replied simply.
Jaejoong raised an eyebrow and looked over his shoulder at Yunho. “Nope?”
“Nope.” Yunho smiled and pecked the older on the cheek before letting him go and sitting at the table. “Smells really good.”
“Uh… thanks.” Jaejoong set a plate of eggs in front of the younger and returned to the stove, glancing over his shoulder every now and then to make sure his lover wasn’t making bombs out of his eggs. But Yunho just ate peacefully with a smile on his face.
Jaejoong set three more plates at the table and joined Yunho as a half-asleep trio made their way into the kitchen. Yoochun rubbed his eyes and blinked slowly at his hyungs. “Did Jaejoong surrender Bambi?” he asked, drawing a light snicker from Junsu and Changmin.
“No,” Yunho replied calmly.
Changmin raised an eyebrow and paused with his fork halfway to his awaiting mouth. “And you’re okay with that?”
Yunho nodded, much to the others’ surprise. “It’s just a stuffed animal.”
Junsu gasped, Yoochun’s fork dropped to his plate with a loud clang, Jaejoong nearly choked on his orange juice and Changmin just stared at Yunho with his mouth wide open. But the latter took no mind to their shock and continued eating his breakfast.
Junsu turned to Jaejoong and pointed an accusing finger at Yunho’s plate. “You drugged him didn’t you!?” he shouted.
“No, I just accepted that Joongie isn’t going to give her back. He was right; I paid too much attention to it,” Yunho answered without looking up.
“Someone must have had some serious makeup sex…” Yoochun mumbled, earning him a whack on the back of the head from Jaejoong.
“No they didn’t,” Changmin commented. “Junsu’s not afraid to be at the table with them.”
Junsu blushed furiously and lowered his head. “Shut up…”
“Changmin’s right anyway. Even though I’m worried about why he would keep track of something like that…” Yunho said as he got up to wash his plate.
Jaejoong’s eyes widened for a second and he sprang out of his chair. “Let me do that for you!” he insisted, trying to grab the plate from Yunho.
“Don’t worry about it Boo.” Yunho shut off the water after rinsing his plate and reached for the dishwasher. Jaejoong instantly bolted down the hall and shut himself in their bedroom. Yunho only pondered his lover’s strangeness for a few seconds before opening the dishwasher to come face to face with two wide, painted eyes and a mass of wet brown fluff. “KIM JAEJOONG YOU ARE SO DEAD!!!!”
A/N: :] ok. so that's my failed attempt at something relatively similar to a crackfic. you know, when i was writing this i was thinking.... ((obviously but whatever..)) isn't it interesting that Yunho's favorite (?) stuffed animal is a very feminine looking boy? just a thought! don't kill me for stupidity... and the next chapter of Letters From War will be posted either tomorrow or maybe wednesday