HolyStarDown (holystardown) wrote,
HolyStarDown
holystardown

finally!

Title: Letters From War
Length: [21a/?]
Author: HolyStarDown
Pairing: Yunjae, Yoosu, Teukchul, ((and is that?)) EUNHAE 
Rating: Overall NC-17
Genre: Romance, angst, drama
Disclaimer: i only own them in my dreams
Summary: In the breaking point of the Korean war, two brothers get drafted into the military and forced to fight for the lives. literally. punishment in camp 409 is just as unforgiving as its officers. attraction? frowned upon. affection? unheard of. love? strickly forbidden. But the training camp they thought they knew gets turned upside down when six of them decide to leave no rule left unbroken
Author's Note: sorry this took forever! ((does anyone even read this anymore? :/))
i'm in a FREAKISHLY good mood today ((ignore the fact that i failed my math test)) and i am therefor giving you a TRIPLE update :D one chapter from hello, one decently old oneshot, and part one of LETTERS FROM MOTHER FUCKING WAR CHAPTER 20. oh i know, i'm excited too :]

granted, the LFW update isn't very long, nor is it very important, but! it's something. writer's block has been eating me alive for the past few months, but i managed to squeeze the first part of the chapter out and felt like i shouldn't make you wait any longer for it. the hello update will make you all shit birx and possibly shoot me ((*coughthenextfewchaptersareworsecough*
)) :] the oneshot is... well it was me in my emo mood, k? the world needs some more fucking HoChul anyway ((yunchul?))

maybe you're asking why i'm in such a good mood? WELLLLL, i got some LFW written, which made me really happy after struggling with it for so long, my depression has gone away, taemin is <3, eunhae have sex on stage in SS3, the first three chapters of hello have broken 1000 hits <33333 ((ch1 has almost hit 2000 ;~;)) and the other three are not far behind the 1000 mark. i wish i could thank every single one of you personally, but... well... that would take me a very long time lol so i'll just say it here: THANK YOU SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU ALL <3

AND now that you've lived through that ^, here is your update
:]


{Prologue} {Ch1} {Ch2} {Ch3} {Ch4} {Ch5a} {Ch5b} {Ch6} {Ch7} {Ch8} {Ch9a} {Ch9b} {Ch10} {Ch11} {Ch12} {Ch13a} {Ch13b} {Ch13c} {Ch13d} {Ch14} {Ch15} {Ch16} {Ch17} {Ch18} {Ch19}



Never before had he woken up to a more beautiful sight. The smoothed out contours of Donghae’s face were only inches away from him own- beautiful, touchable- and Eunhyuk knew he couldn’t resist the calm innocence radiating from the other man’s sleeping body. His hand slipped from underneath the covers without him telling it to to caress Donghae’s cheek, slow and careful to save the last moments he had with his lover. The sun had yet to rise, but it was the closest thing to a morning after they’d ever had.

 

Donghae was always forced to run away as soon as their time together was over, often tripping over his pants in his rush to get them on and rush back to his Resident, noses bumping and teeth clashing in ungraceful last moments stolen for passion’s sake. Eunhyuk had laughed at him then, literally kicked him out the door and scolded him for not leaving fast enough but now… he wished that he would have let Donghae’s lips linger for a bit longer and pulled him back when he tried to leave.

 

Things like this were what Eunhyuk hated about being here. From the very first time his father brought him here at only twelve years old, he knew this was what he wanted to do, where he wanted to be, but the shackles this place had clamped around their ankles and the chains wrapped around their throats suffocated him as he stole a glance back at his sleeping lover. So peaceful, so beautiful… it burned.

 

Eunhyuk jerked his head away from the sight and focused on what was at hand: finding the release form. Carpets of paper crunched under the medic’s feet as he shuffled around the room, finally finding what he needed by the door where Donghae once stood. The page was stained (with rain or tears he couldn’t tell) but it would have to do; he only had two hours before the sun came up, one less before the other officers woke up for the day, and only seven before the love of his life would be taken away from him, leaving him alone and miserable in camp 409 once again. At that moment Eunhyuk hated his life more than anything. Things had stopped making sense and he just wanted it all to go away. He wanted it all to stop.

 

Pain burned behind the medic’s eyes with each word that spilled onto the form, every character a red-hot coal being shoved down his throat. He didn’t want this. He wanted to tear the form to shreds, screaming and yelling and raising absolute hell to make sure its contents never saw the light of day… but he couldn’t. Eunhyuk just kept writing until he forgot which stains were from before and which stains he created himself, why his arm burned like hell and why the pen was still digging into his skin long after ‘East Sea’ had been carved deeply into his arm- so deep he would never be able to wash it out of his skin.

 

**~**~**~**~**

 

Junsu could tell something was off from the second Leeteuk’s voice cut through his dream, screaming at him to get his ass out bed- quickly- and one glance at his brother’s bed told him that yes, something was off. Thin sheets fell from his body as Junsu hurried to get up, leaping to his brother’s bed and clamping his fingers around a corner of white sticking out from underneath Jaejoong’s pillow. He’d been stealing glances at the latter’s empty bed all night; how could he have missed it?

 

The movement didn’t go unnoticed by the man waking up just five feet above, blinking bleary, sleep-clouded eyes at his seething lover. “Susu-ah… what the hell?” Yoochun muttered as he watched Junsu’s tiny hands clench around the note his brother left behind. It was a stupid thing to ask really. Junsu continued to seethe without giving any hint of an answer and Yoochun shrugged it off; Junsu would explain whatever it was when he couldn’t stand it anymore, and for the moment, getting ready for the day ahead was more important. Their overseer came off as extremely on edge as he screamed at the trainees to get up, and Yoochun really didn’t want to test out just how far he could push before the officer fell off the edge and dragged Yoochun along with him; living and watching a certain Kim Junsu ruffle his little ducky feathers was just too much fun.

 

The grin that twisted the corners of Yoochun’s lips at the thought was short-lived though. Before the image of Junsu’s flustered face could pass out of Yoochun’s mind, the younger man snapped.

 

“This is absolutely fucking RIDICULOUS!” Junsu exploded out of nowhere, ripping his clothes out of his bag and effectively shocking Yoochun out of his daze. “I told Jaejoong, I fucking TOLD him not to do stupid shit like this but noooooo- he runs off in the middle of the night to go fuck some idiot ANYWAY!”

 

A balled up wad of paper came flying through the air and bounced harmlessly off Yoochun’s cheek, falling into his hands without a sound. “Don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit?” the elder man asked lazily as he unfolded the crumpled paper and spread it out on his lover’s pillow. The American’s feet swung leisurely behind his head while his chin rested in open palms and for a second it vaguely reminded Junsu of a 14 year old school girl.

 

“Overreacting?? NO I’m not overreacting!” the younger shouted. He stopped his furious pacing to stare at Yoochun’s thin frame, his anger calming slightly as he rested his eyes on Yoochun’s placid face. “I’m not overreacting…” he muttered.

 

“I don’t really see the problem here Su.”

 

Junsu froze. “What??”

 

Yoochun quickly decided that flustered Junsu was not only adorable, but potentially dangerous as Leeteuk. The younger boy was at his side in an instant, arms flailing in every direction and landing a few blows on his shoulder. “WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T SEE THE PROBLEM??” Junsu shouted as he unleashed his attack.

 

“I’m just saying that I don’t see why you’re freaking out!” Yoochun cried in defense, half-heartedly raising his arms to block Junsu’s flailing hands. “If anything Soryeong Jung can keep him from getting in trouble. I mean, look at it this way, he already gave Jaejoong a cover up in case something goes wrong.” His thin fingers circled over Yunho’s scribbled characters, drawing Junsu’s attention to the small action and breaking down his reserve. “Seriously Susu, look at what you’re getting worked up about for a second: we did the exact same thing- what, two days ago?- and you weren’t exactly complaining very much after that little adventure.”

 

Junsu blinked. “That’s not the point here,” he shot back, snapping out of his temporary haze and turning his glare full-force at the man on his bed. “The point is that Jaejoong still isn’t here, so don’t try to change the subject.”

 

Yoochun’s hands flew up in front of him in defense. “Fine, fine,” he relented, gathering his own clothes and following Junsu out of the Resident and into the bathrooms.

 

But the ranting about Jaejoong’s absence didn’t stop there. They continued through the showers and even throughout their journey into the Mess hall, and really Yoochun didn’t mind; if it meant hearing his lover’s voice all day he would gladly let the ranting continue (content be damned) simply because he thought Junsu looked adorable when he fumed about Jaejoong like this. He followed obediently beside Junsu as the smaller man led them through the line, nodding in appropriate places despite tuning the actual words out long ago and even offering soft mumbles of agreement when Junsu paused long enough. It was an easy task really, but when the pair approached the table they normally ate at, Yoochun was forced to break the cycle.

 

“Um, Su?” he asked slowly, his steps slowing as Junsu spun back to face him.

 

“What?”

 

Yoochun shifted slightly in his spot and flicked the bottom of his tray a few times just to make sure he wasn’t imagining anything. All real.

 

“I don’t think Jaejoong went on any rampage last night,” he finally answered.

 

Fire returned to Junsu’s eyes. “What are you talking about? Of course he did! Why else wouldn’t he have-” The younger Kim twin’s words were cut short as Yoochun’s arm stretched out, finger pointing to a head of soft ebony hair sitting at their table, lips twisted in a soft smile and face positively glowing. Junsu was left speechless.

 

Jaejoong was completely content with the world as he idly brought food to his smiling lips, his entire body numbed with a warmth he just couldn’t describe. The sex he’s intended to have with Yunho the night before passed them by after Yunho’s words of tenderness, but in Jaejoong’s opinion, the substitute was much better.

 

They’d continued to stay glued to each other’s body; hands, lips, torsos, fingers, everything still connected as Yunho eased his lover’s body down onto his bed as if Jaejoong were a porcelain doll, and he couldn’t have imagined anything more beautiful. He’d taken the younger man’s silence as an agreement to stop going further, but the lazy kisses carried on and soft caresses continued throughout the night like nothing at all could ever separate them. They both knew that the overall forbiddenness of their position was still there, taunting them and trying to pull them apart, but neither had given in. Their cares had been tossed to the wind, and Jaejoong spent the night wrapped in Yunho’s arms.

 

Although waking up to a frantic Yunho practically trying to shove him out the window hadn’t been nearly as tender as the night before, Jaejoong couldn’t help the gentle heat that welled in his heart when he replayed the memory again and glanced down at the new kiss on his hand that was sadly beginning to fade away. Only the letter Yunho begrudging let him scribble down before he left resting beneath his free hand reminded Jaejoong that everything had actually happened.

 

Dear Umma,

 

I won.

 

**~**~**~**~**

 

Heechul hated every single fiber of his own being. He hated that he’d woken up on the damn floor in his damn room, hated that the damn sheet he’d clung to all damn night smelled just like him, and hated that he was the reason that he had dried tears sticking to his damn face when he finally regained consciousness in the morning. Everything still hurt- although not nearly as badly as it had the night before- and pushing himself up off the ground proved to be a chore with stiff muscles protesting every step of the way. His head pounded as he stood upright, arm painfully stretched out to brace himself against the wall, and any sense of time he might have had was long gone. Only a few muffled voices and soft shuffling from behind Leeteuk’s closed door told him that it was some time after six in the morning, and the darkness shadowing the window signified that it was either before seven or already night. Heechul prayed for the former.

 

So much had gone through his head before he passed out on the unforgiving concrete floor, but Heechul knew there was still more that he needed to know- needed to think about. Among those things beating his mind senseless, only one thing had been certain: Leeteuk was the cause of all of it. Somehow every thought that passed through in the whirlwind had revolved around that man, and Heechul swore that he could remember his lips forming that name at some point during his deliria. And frankly, it scared him to death.

 

For the past ten years Leeteuk had been the embodiment of everything he hated, and Heechul had kicked the man around like a dog that always came running back to him no matter how cruel his treatment was. He’d done everything in his power to push Leeteuk away over the years since their friendship started to dissolve and eventually fall apart, and Heechul always thought it was what he wanted. So… why did his chest suddenly tighten at just the thought of his former best friend?

 

Nothing made sense; the pain burning in his chest, the sting in his eyes when he thought about the years of hatred…

 

Pull yourself together damnit. Stop this.

 

Slowly the Daeryeong made his way out of Leeteuk’s room and into the rest of the Officer’s Quarters (miraculously without being noticed) and practically threw himself out the doors into the open morning air. His mind had had a slow start, but now it was gushing thoughts and emotions that he hadn’t felt in years at fully bloody force. He wanted nothing more than for it to stop- oh God how he wished it would stop- but the thoughts kept coming until his pounding head couldn’t make sense of them any more. His entire body trembled with horror as his nails unconsciously clawed at the gauze binding his wrists, and he knew he was in no condition to be seen by anyone. Maybe, just maybe, if he slipped in the back doors of the Mess Hall to get his food before his deprived stomach imploded on itself then-

 

“Daeryeong Kim?”

 

Heechul froze mid-step and cursed to every god he could think of as he blinked at the man standing in front of him, stack of papers in his hands and face utterly scandalized. Well shit. “Soryeong Lee,” Heechul answered sternly, trying his best to look as if he hadn’t just been going out of his mind. Somehow the medic seemed to buy it.

 

The younger man’s wide eyes scanned every inch of Heechul’s weary body, making assessments and mental notes on everything he found from the paleness of the Daeryeong’s face to the fresh nail indentations in his palms. If anything, Heechul was in worse condition than he had been the night before, minus the drugged and unconscious parts. The Soryeong cleared his throat quickly and adjusted the papers in his hands before bringing his eyes back to stare straight at his superior, body trembling with guilt and a terror of his own. “I mean this is the most respectful way possible sir,” Eunhyuk began nervously, “but… you look… bad.”  

 

The brutal retaliation (somewhere along the lines of screaming and threatening and saying something that somehow made him spill his guts about what happened the night before) that Eunhyuk expected for his comment never came. Instead, Heechul just blinked slowly and kept a stone-cold mask over his face. “I know,” he replied flatly, his fists clenching only slightly. “But I certainly hope that’s not all you have to say to me.”

 

Both men were shocked at just how normal Heechul managed to make his voice sound, only one of them showing it outwardly of course: Heechul resigned himself to a mental “what the fuck” while Eunhyuk’s eyes nearly doubled in size.

 

“N-no sir,” the medic stuttered. “I have a trainee’s release forms that I was taking to Jungnyeong Park since you’re supposed to still be in the medical ward with Jungnyeong Shi-”

 

Jungnyeong Park is occupied and I’m fine,” Heechul lied, cutting Eunhyuk off and taking the papers from the medic’s hands. “If I remember correctly, I don’t think you said anything about my injury making me incapable of reading and signing forms.” Eunhyuk’s eyes filled with terror and Heechul raised a skeptical eyebrow at him.

 

“Um.” His voice was raised and pushed out with much more force than necessary as he burned holes into the papers now in Heechul’s hands. “Actually sir you should really be back in the medical ward and not doing anything because what happened to you last night was really no-”

 

“I said I’m fine Soryeong Lee,” Heechul ground out. “Tell me what you need done with these and get back to your job.”

 

“Um, actually… um… if you could… If I could just… have one of those back… I, um… it’s a letter. To my father. Very important medical things. Sooo… if you could just hand me that one on the bottom that would be fantastic.”

 

Heechul’s skepticism grew thicker as Eunhyuk reached out a trembling hand toward the stack of papers and drew back slightly at the motion. “Is it really?” he asked, eyes narrowed and mind focused solely on the medic’s paling face.

 

Eunhyuk considered throwing himself in front of a jeep for a second before deciding to speak instead. “Yes sir,” he pushed out.  “It’s has to do with um… the trainee that is being released on medical leave today sir. He was admitted last night and-” 

 

“Last night?”

 

At that moment Eunhyuk was certain that his cover had been blown to smithereens. His face became impossibly paler and the hand suspended between them went numb, blood pounding in his ears loud enough to drown out everything else. He and Donghae had gotten so far; there was no way they were going to get caught now. “You must have been asleep when I brought him in sir. I kept him as quiet and far away from you as possible so he wouldn’t wake you.”

 

Heechul stilled. “Yes. Of course,” he said quietly before shifting his gaze to the unimportant building behind Eunhyuk’s tense form. Suddenly he didn’t feel like talking anymore.

 

Eunhyuk fidgeted nervously in the tense silence suddenly taking hold of them and tucked the letter away in his pocket, clearing his throat as an unnecessary distraction. “Three of his ribs were cracked when he was injured sir,” he began. “He wouldn’t have been able to train for-”

 

Heechul’s eyes snapped back to the other man and his sharp words cut Eunhyuk off mid-sentence. “I don’t care,” he bit out. “I’ll sign the forms when I get around to it. Right now I have other things to do, so don’t bother me unless something else has gone wrong with Jungnyeong Shim, understand?”

 

“But sir I-”

 

“I said do you understand?”

 

“SIR YES SIR!” Eunhyuk shouted instinctively, as a hand snapped up to his forehead in a salute he really couldn’t remember why he did. Either way, the Daeryeong seemed pleased by the reaction and left the medic standing alone in the middle of the grounds, still saluting empty air until Heechul was long out of sight.

 

It didn’t sit well with Heechul though. The younger man was clearly playing an avoidance game while Heechul was trying to hide a few things of his own, and for once the lie wasn’t obviously written on Eunhyuk’s face like they normally were. For the life of him, Heechul couldn’t wrap his mind around the possible answer, but at the time his attention was pulled in too many other directions for him to dwell on it much longer. His feet had unconsciously taken him to the Mess Hall and upon opening the doors, his stomach reminded him of just how long it’d been since he’d last eaten something.

 

Three days ago when you were with Leeteuk. Before you became weak, he reminded himself bitterly. With a deep sigh and a few smacks to his forehead, Heechul braved the crowd of officers and trainees all the way to the kitchen’s back door.

 

It was the first time he’d gotten his own lunch in over a year.

 

**~**~**~**~**

 

Changmin didn’t like being an invalid. He hated it really. The confinements of the medical ward were too small for his liking, and despite the throbbing in every inch of his face, Changmin wanted to be out on the fields training with the rest. His limbs itched for real movement- anything that could get his mind off of Yunho’s visit from last night.

 

Jealousy had eaten him alive all night long, and Changmin couldn’t get the mental images out of his head even in his sleep. He’d tossed and turned in the stiff bed Eunhyuk imprisoned him to, Yunho doing all kinds of things to Jaejoong in his dreams. Not like it was any better before he’d fallen asleep; a conscious mind could dwell on the idea in ways that a dream would be helpless to rival. Dreams just had solid images to work in their favor.

 

Changmin hated himself for thinking the way he did toward his best friend, but it was killing him to know that Yunho and Jaejoong had spent the night together, probably in each others arms or… doing other things Changmin really didn’t want to think about.

 

You did this to yourself, he thought with a sigh. Everything bad in his life was his own fault.

 

“You’re too nice,” Yunho used to say (almost on a daily basis) but Changmin always laughed it off. People were supposed to be nice, weren’t they?

 

Changmin huffed another sigh and threw the sheets covering his body to the floor, anger suddenly pulsing in his veins as he stood to pace the room. You better be fucking thankful that I’m this nice Yunho hyung, he thought bitterly. His pacing became rapid- faster and faster, back and forth until he threw himself onto his bed, forcing heated air from the back of his throat through clenched teeth. He needed a distraction, anything to get his mind off of this.

 

As if a gift from God himself, a familiar piece of paper fluttered next to Changmin’s outstretched hand, beckoning him to just take it. And so, Changmin did just that.

 

Hurried characters were scrawled out across the page in slightly uneven lines, some characters running together to make unidentifiable words, but Changmin couldn’t think of any handwriting more beautiful.

 

Dear Umma,

 

Junsu and I have been drafted into the military, just like you feared we would. I’ve only been here for two days, but it already feels like forever… The officers are not very bad, just odd. Especially Jungnyeong Shim; he has a weird way of doing things around here… Well except there is one other: Soryeong Jung Yunho… He and Jungnyeong Shim had a substitute for what the Daeryeong sentenced me to. I’d much rather not go into details about that since I know you disapprove of the lifestyle I chose. All I’ll say is that he’s a really good kisser. And, well, it’s a little awkward now that I think about it, but he saw me after I took a shower last night… I know you’ll never get to read this no matter how much I wish you could, so I guess holding back on what I say is a little pointless. I just don’t have enough energy to write more right now… I’m not sure if I’m in love but, I definitely feel something that has never been there with other people. This guy, he’s so different. I haven’t known him for more than a few days and, despite you telling me not to jump into things like this so quickly, I honestly believe that I would be lost without him… we still have the physical thing between us, but it’s more than that now. At least it is to me… it hurts to know that you wouldn’t understand even if you were still here. I miss you Umma.

 

All of my love,

Jaejoong

 

The letter slipped from Changmin’s fingers a little more with every sentence until it finally fell to the floor.


A/N: like i said, it's not very much and it's not very important, but it's something, and i have to split this chapter into a few parts anyway since this is barely the halfway mark
sorry that it sucks some serious ass :/

oh and also, there are parts cut out of the letter signaled by the "..."s
 
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