HolyStarDown (holystardown) wrote,

Hello Chapter 5

oh yes, i'm back from my trip and excited as hell :] i'm sorry i told a few of you that i would be posting yesterday, but my biffle came over and i got distracted <3 anyway! i come back to you with not just ONE, not just a DOUBLE UPDATE, oh no and not even a TRIPLE UPDATE, but i come back bearing FOUR. BRAND. NEW. UPDATES. YES FOUR. that means TWO brand spankin new chapters from Hello, ((this is the second one)) and two brand new oneshots :] why so many? two things: one, i came back to 23  new comments :D ((yall know who you are and i thank you to no end <3)) and two, i had a LOT of inspiration over my break. i wrote more oneshots actually, but those will come if i get stuck and haven't posted anytihng for a while. anyway, enjoy~ :D 

Title: Hello
Length: [5/?]
Author: HolyStarDown
Pairing: Yunjae 
Rating: Overall NC-17
Genre: Psychological, romance, angst, drama
Disclaimer: if i owned them i would be posting HD videos, not fics 
Summary: Love knows no boundaries; it reaches the good, the broken, the hopeless, and even the insane

{Chapter 1} {Chapter 2} {Chapter 3} {Chapter 4}

February 9, 2003

Entry Fifty-Six


I still haven’t finished the cake Jaejoong made me for my birthday. It’s one of the best things I’ve ever tasted in my life, but I can’t eat it all day like I’d want. Shame…


We never talked about what else he did for me that day, but a new light had taken place in Jaejoong ever since; his kisses had more passion, his touches more bold. I loved it. I found my skin yearning for his touch every time I thought of him, my heart beating just a bit faster and my blood focusing where it didn’t need to be. What’s happened to me is obvious; I’ve developed a strong lust for him that I can’t shake, and I’m not really sure that isn’t what I want anymore.


February 9, 2003

Entry Fifty-Seven


I didn’t have time to think or worry about my situation with Jaejoong after I wrote the entry from this morning. No, today I had to worry about Heechul. He hadn’t spoken for days/weeks, and I knew it was my job to fix it… I’ve just been too preoccupied with other things lately. It’s no excuse and it has to change, I know, and I swear it will. If Heechul regresses any more… I can’t let a patient down like that. What I feel for Jaejoong can’t interfere with the well-being of my other patients. Today finally opened my eyes to just how bad it’s gotten while my mind has been on its vacation in Jae-Jae land.


It was Sunday, but I got a call asking me to come into the office. Two men were waiting at the door when I arrived: one I recognized as the man who took Heechul to and from his appointments, the other my bright-haired patient himself. Heechul stared straight ahead and said nothing as the other man bowed deeply and took my hand in both of his, face serious with a hint of a charming smile.


“Thank you so much for coming in today Dr. Jung,” he said with another short bow. “I wish I didn’t have to bother you on a Sunday, but I think Heechul needs you today.”


My eyes scanned over the man’s carefully combed hair and neatly pressed suit, stopping on the Bible under his arm with dozens of post-it notes sticking out. Clearly Sunday would not be his day of choice for this.


“It’s not a problem um… I’m sorry, I don’t think I ever caught your name,” I said with a forced smile.


The man’s eyebrows shot up and he bowed deeply again several times. “Forgive me. I’m Choi Siwon, Heechul’s brother-in-law.”


I didn’t even know Heechul had a sister. I glanced at my patient for any kind of reaction, but his face remained a blank slate. “Did something happen today Siwon-shii?” I asked.


Said man spared a nervous glance at Heechul and caught his lip between his teeth for a brief moment. “Actually… it’s been going on for a few days now,” he answered as I unlocked the doors and led them into my office. Heechul entered first; Siwon caught my arm before I could follow. “There’s something wrong Dr. Jung,” he said, his voice low and serious. “Heechul’s never been like this before. I don’t… His tongue. There’s something wrong with his tongue.”


“I’m a doctor of psychiatry Siwon-shii, not a physician. If he’s having a problem with his tongue I can’t-”


“No, no, he’s doing something to it. I know he is. I just don’t know why.” Siwon drew a shaky breath and ran a hand through his once perfect hair. “I thought it would get better since its Hangeng’s birthday but… if anything, he’s gotten worse. Going to church this morning didn’t seem to help him so… I didn’t know who else to turn to.”


“Do you see Hangeng as well?” I asked slowly, but Siwon shook his head.


“Heechul celebrates his birthday every year, and it’s only two days before mine.” He smiled sadly. “It’s hard to forget.”


Helpless silence filled the space between us, suffocating me and robbing my words. “I’ll see what I can do,” was all I could manage.


Still, Siwon looked incredibly grateful. “Thank you Dr. Jung,” he breathed out. “Thank you so much.”


“It’s nothing. But I’m going to ask that you stay out here while I speak with him. I can’t risk Heechul’s answers changing because of your presence.” Siwon’s face fell at my words but complied all the same. “Hopefully this won’t take long. You can help yourself to the coffee machine,” I added before leaving Siwon behind in the lobby.


With a sigh, I closed my office door and turned to Heechul, smiling lightly at him when he acknowledged my presence. “Good morning Heechul-shii,” I greeted with a forced smile.


No response. The bright red-head just stared straight at me, face blank and jaw unbelievably tense. Tightly balled fists lay at his sides, (trembling with anger or nerves I couldn’t tell) and I don’t think I’ve ever seen eyes so dead.


“Siwon-shii cares a lot about you,” I started lightly as I grabbed my notebook and sat across from Heechul’s still frame.


He did nothing.


Actual notes flew from my pen for the first time in more than the mindless scribbles it had grown accustomed to. It had been so long since I’d had a mind to do work like this… I couldn’t help the slight smile that appeared on my lips at the feeling. “How is your relationship with him?” I asked.


Nothing. So much for the indirect approach…


I sighed, re-crossed my legs. “We’ve noticed that you aren’t yourself anymore Heechul. Siwon is very concerned about you.”


Again nothing. His jaw tightened.


“We want to help you, but he can’t do that unless you tell us what’s wrong.” I let some of my concern leak through to my features and adjusted my glasses. “I’m here to get you through your problems Heechul, so you need to tell me if something is bothering you. I’m perceptive, not a mind reader.”




“Do you want us to help you?”




“Do you trust us?”




A sense of dull frustration pulsed though my veins at his silence, but I willed my expression to remain indifferent. I may have been losing my mind for the past few weeks, but that was no excuse for me to destroy what I’d worked so hard to establish with Heechul; he didn’t deserve that. My lips parted to say something further, and that’s when I saw it.


Heechul’s face had gotten horribly pale, and his thin hands were trembling as his nails dug crescents into his palms. But none of that particularly drew my attention; no- my eyes were drawn to the bright crimson lining the seam of his tightly pressed lips.


“Heechul…” I breathed, rolling to my feet only to kneel in front of him all in the same motion. His eyes followed me. “Heechul open your mouth,” I demanded.


His jaw only tightened, and the first twitch of pain flashed across his face.


A sinking terror settled in my chest; I knew exactly what he was he was doing. “Heechul,” I called again. “Heechul let go of your tongue.”


He just stared.






“Alright then.” I rose to my feet, trying to stay as calm as possible and opened my office door. “Siwon-shii,” I called.


Said man was by my side in an instant, eyebrows scrunched together and coffee left abandoned on the table. I could only pray that he would stay this calm.


“I need you to stay calm and call an ambulance for me,” I said slowly, looking right into the other man’s eyes and willing him to obey me. It was a lost cause.


Siwon’s brows shot up and terror was written all over his expressive face. “Ambulance??” he shouted. “Why? What for? Is something wrong? Is Heechul okay? Are you okay? Am I okay?? What’s going o-”




The frantic man stopped in his tracks and stared at me with wide, fearful eyes. “Yes?”


“You need to calm down, and if you can’t do that please allow me to use your phone. The more time we waste, the worse this is going to get. Do you understand?”


Siwon nodded slowly and fished a cell phone out of his pocket with trembling hands. “Dr. Jung I-”


“Don’t,” I interrupted. “Just stay with Heechul and for God’s sake, please don’t make this worse.”


The ambulance arrived in less than ten minutes, but it was a close call. Tongue biting is one of the slowest (and pretty uncommon for a mobile person) form of suicide, but judging by the excessive bruising on his tongue and the amount of blood he’d already lost, Dr. Myung and I concluded that he’d been at it for days. I just… can’t believe I hadn’t seen it before. What if he was doing it right in front of my eyes for all this time? What if he wanted me to notice before and I was too distracted by other things to acknowledge it? I’m not sure I can ever forgive myself for this… There’s no excuse for letting something like this happen… I just… I’ll write it later after I’ve had more time to think.


February 9, 2003

Entry Fifty-Eight


I’ve made a long-overdue decision: I will no longer let my feelings for Jaejoong distract me from my job. Any of my other patients could be going down the same road without my knowledge, so, starting Monday, I will go back to giving them all my undivided attention.


And if that means taking a hiatus from Jaejoong, so be it.


February 10, 2003

Entry Fifty-Nine


I kept my promise until I saw him. It just got too hard after that.


He flew into my arms the second he walked in and refused to let go. “They don’t like it, they don’t like it,” he muttered over and over against my shoulder as I held him.


“Don’t like what?” I prodded. He held fistfuls of my shirt in his clenched hands, clinging to it as if he would fall at any second. Nothing I asked granted me an answer, so I slowly led him to the couch to calm down… I knew I’d lost then. “Please tell me what’s wrong Jaejoong-ah…” I whispered softly to him. “I want to help you.”


It took almost half an hour of my supplications to convince Jaejoong to stop his chanting and actually speak to me. “They don’t like it,” he said once more. “Micky and Choikang don’t want me to be here.” I involuntarily began to run my fingers through his hair and his grip loosened slightly. “U-know wants me to stay. They don’t but U-know does.”


His whispers pulled at my heartstrings. “Do what you want to do Jaejoong. Don’t listen to them.” The words that came out of my mouth were vastly different from my thoughts (“Listen to U-know! Listen to me Jaejoong!”) but no one else had to know that. I just held him close while he trembled against me, combing my fingers through his hair and chastely dropping soft kisses everywhere I could reach. “You don’t ever have to listen to them Jaejoong…”


I don’t know why it was so easy for him to make me forget everything I’d thought about for the past few days. Just… seeing him makes me want to do anything for him; I can’t deny Jaejoong anything.


February 11, 2003

Entry Sixty


I decided to see Heechul in the hospital after writing my last entry. I thought that maybe seeing him would snap me back into reality and help me follow through with my promise.


He was on high risk-suicide watch and heavily sedated.


February 12, 2003

Entry Sixty-One


Jaejoong isn’t here. His mother hasn’t seen him since yesterday.


February 13, 2003

Entry Sixty-Two


Jaejoong is still missing.


February 13, 2003

Entry Sixty-Three


I’m probably breaking every single rule imaginable, but I couldn’t help it. I don’t think I could have done anything else if I wanted to.


I took a different way home today for some reason; there was no reason for it, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that I needed to go to my favorite coffee shop after work. It sounds strange that I would go so far out of my way just for a cup of overpriced coffee from a shop in the middle of nowhere, so I’m not going to assume it was the real reason I took the detour. Regardless, I’m glad I did.


I hadn’t been to Sugar and Spice for about a month, but everything was exactly the same as it had been for two and a half years. Same atmosphere, same décor, same slow business.


“Here’s your coffee Dr. Jung- just how you like it,” the barista behind the counter said with a bright smile. “No cream and four drops of vanilla.”


I bowed slightly and took my drink. “You know me too well Sulli,” I said, returning her smile with only half the sincerity. Sulli was always terribly kind, but I just wasn’t feeling it today; something was off. Despite my coffee being exactly what I wanted, it tasted strangely bitter on my tongue. I thanked her anyway.


“Oh, Dr. Jung? Could you take this outside for me when you go? There’s a boy whose been sitting out there by himself since Tuesday. I don’t think he’s eaten and the poor thing’s probably freezing to death. Yoona tried to get him to come inside but he just started freaking out.”


I didn’t put nearly as much thought into it as I should have.


“You’re a psychiatrist, right?”


I nodded and took a sip of my coffee.


“Maybe you can help him. He’ll get sick if he stays out there any longer. Well, that is if he isn’t sick already.”


I nodded again and took the steaming cup of hot chocolate Sulli offered to me. “Will do,” I assured before making my way toward the door. Why anyone would leave someone outside a coffee shop for two days was beyond me, but I was about to change that. I just didn’t know yet to what extent.


Icy wind assaulted my face the second I opened the door, forcing me to awkwardly balance my drinks and pull my scarf over my nose. Really, it should never be allowed to be this cold. Nevertheless, I ventured out to the side of the small shop with warm fingers and frozen everything else.


That was when I saw him- curled up against the wall and trembling with his hands tightly pressed against his ears, eyes and cheeks kissed a bright red and streaked with shimmering trails. Coffee and hot chocolate splattered the ground at my feet.


Somehow I managed to persuade Jaejoong to let me carry him to my car and wrap him up in my coat, kissing his tear-stained cheeks as he continued to cry. “Close your eyes Jaejoong-ah,” I whispered softly to him. “Cars have a lot of mirrors.”


He did as he was told, curling up into a ball under my black coat and tightly closing his eyes. “Don’t take me home,” he whispered. “Please don’t take me home.”


I didn’t.


So that’s how Jaejoong ended up curled up in my bed wearing nothing but oversized sweatpants and a large wool blanket, his own clothes scattered on my bathroom’s floor and his tears staining my pillow.


A/N: :D alright! so! you're probably thinking "bitch you said four updates so where the HELL is the new chapter of letters from war? *raise pitchfork*" well, put your weapons down for a minute ladies ((and gentlemen.))
there is a LOT going to happen in the new LFW chapter so it's taking me a bit longer to write. most importantly, there's a new character coming in who is going to be extremely important in the long run and just so you know ahead of time, i've had this part and his role planned out for about a year and a half. yall will probably shoot me anyway :] but! expect it within the next two weeks :3 thanks for keeping your patience with me <3

Web Counter
Web Counter

  • Opportunity of a Lifetime

    Title: Opportunity of a Lifetime Length: Oneshot (970w) Pairing: Yifan/Yixing Rating: NC-17 Genre: pwp pretty much Opportunity of a Lifetime…

  • We Sell Real Tea

    Title: We Sell Real Tea Length: Oneshot (~2900w) Pairing: Kris/Kyungsoo Rating: PG-13 (for slight language and alcohol use) Genre: general We…

  • Time to Make Time

    Title: Time to Make Time Length: Oneshot (~2600w) Pairing: Chen/Suho Rating: PG Genre: general, fluff Time to Make Time 12:06pm. Still…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →
← Ctrl ← Alt
Ctrl → Alt →

  • Opportunity of a Lifetime

    Title: Opportunity of a Lifetime Length: Oneshot (970w) Pairing: Yifan/Yixing Rating: NC-17 Genre: pwp pretty much Opportunity of a Lifetime…

  • We Sell Real Tea

    Title: We Sell Real Tea Length: Oneshot (~2900w) Pairing: Kris/Kyungsoo Rating: PG-13 (for slight language and alcohol use) Genre: general We…

  • Time to Make Time

    Title: Time to Make Time Length: Oneshot (~2600w) Pairing: Chen/Suho Rating: PG Genre: general, fluff Time to Make Time 12:06pm. Still…