i really am sorry, believe me <3 i want this chapter to be done because it's so important but i just CANT MAKE ANYTHING FUCKING SOUND RIGHT A
Rating: PG-13 for very brief mentions of sex
Disclaimer: If i owned them i would be posting HD videos, not fics
Summary: He promised he wouldn't do this, but now he has and he wishes everything was different
Author's Note: it's not really all that original, but i just got the inspiration and wrote it on my itouch one night at like.... oh idk, 3 in the morning?
He wasn't sure how this happened really, how he ended up curled in a bed that wasn't his own with Hyukjae's hand gently stroking his smooth thigh as it rested on top of the smaller man like it actually belonged there. The thin fingers played almost lazily with his skin while he watched Hyukjae breathe slowly in and out, the rhythm hypnotic and so many other things he wished he had the words to describe.
There wasn't supposed to be any emotion in this; just sex when they needed a release from everything else. No caring, no gentleness, just sensation because they fucking needed it.
Even with that being the agreement between them, Donghae couldn't stop the warmth spreading through their tangled legs with every stroke of the dancer's fingers, couldn't help the constriction in his chest as he stared at Hyukjae’s calm face in the dark. He wished it could go away just like the aching in his throat from screaming all night long, but every night Hyukjae came to him the feelings would stay longer and longer until he didn't know that there ever was a time when they didn’t exist, or when they didn’t want him to push his limits a bit and believe for even a second that Hyukjae felt them too.
Tonight he wasn't sure he could take it.
The strokes on his thigh kept radiating warmth through his skin, and he really wanted to hope for something he promised they wouldn't have.
"What are we doing?"
"No, I mean us... What are-"
"There is no us."
"Go to sleep Hae… I’m tired."
He left it at that- every night exactly the same. In a few hours he would have to slip out of Hyukjae’s arms and return to his own bed before anyone saw them together, wake up to Hankyung- not Hyukjae- shaking his shoulder and smiling down at him, and they would return to work as if Donghae’s heart wasn’t bleeding every time he looked at the man who was always just arms length away from him.
Really, he wished he didn't need to feel Hyukjae beside him because it was wrong. He wished he didn't want to wake up beside Hyukjae every morning because he knew it would never happen.
He wished he didn't love Hyukjae because he promised that he would never fall in love.
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