August 17th, 2009

(no subject)

Title: Letters From War
Length: [17/?]
Author: HolyStarDown
Pairing: Yunjae, Yoosu, Teukchul
Rating: Overall NC-17 
Genre: Romance, angst, drama
Disclaimer: i only own them in my dreams
Summary: In the breaking point of the Korean war, two brothers get drafted into the military and forced to fight for the lives. literally. punishment in camp 409 is just as unforgiving as its officers. attraction? frowned upon. affection? unheard of. love? strickly forbidden. But the training camp they thought they knew gets turned upside down when six of them decide to leave no rule left unbroken
Author's Note: sorry this took so long! summer makes my schedual crazy and well... i don't really like how this chapter turned out :/ hopefully it doesn't disappoint! <3 

{Prologue} {Ch1} {Ch2} {Ch3} {Ch4} {Ch5a} {Ch5b} {Ch6} {Ch7} {Ch8} {Ch9a} {Ch9b} {Ch10} {Ch11} {Ch12} {Ch13a} {Ch13b} {Ch13c} {Ch13d} {Ch14} {Ch15}

Deafening silence consumed the medical ward as Leeteuk and Heechul stared into each other’s deeply confused eyes. The slightly older officer’s mind drew blanks, the words that came out of his loved one’s mouth not registering at all. What should he say? What could he say? Both he and Heechul were shaking by the end of the younger’s explanation and the little color the man had left in his face had completely vanished. Heechul’s mother had been… no. But now so many things that had been said, so many things that never added up before made sense now; he had to believe it.


Ages passed before Leeteuk finally found his weak voice and enough of his brain cells to say something. “Are… are you sure?”


Heechul narrowed red-rimmed eyes at Leeteuk and spoke through clenched teeth. “What the hell do you mean ‘am I sure??’ I watched it happen!!”


“I know that but… what were… why didn’t you say anything before? You should have told me!”


“And what makes you think you’re so special?!”


“Because I care about you!”


Anger pulsed through Heechul’s weary veins and burned in his knotted chest. Not a word about his mother had ever escaped his lips since her death, but he assumed that people knew; his father stayed in other countries more often than he was home, he avoided contact with others and eventually forced Heechul to do the same, but did he really tell lies about what had happened that day? Was that why none of the people his family hired to help him ever made a difference? If any of them cared they would have known. If Leeteuk truly cared he would have known. “You don’t give a damn about me Leeteuk and I doubt you ever have.”


The elder boy turned to stone the instant the words left Heechul’s tightly pulled lips. Was he not the one who cared for Heechul when no one else had? Was he not the one who did everything that Heechul had ever asked? Did he ever complain about being totally disregarded and trampled on for all these years? No. But this is what he gets in return? Leeteuk wanted to scream- to shout every obscene word he knew at Heechul for doubting his love for even a second, but his words came out calm and soft. “How can you say that of me? I’ve never stopped caring about you. Think about where you are, who brought you here and why before you make any more stupid accusations.” The Jungnyeong rose to his feet and bowed to his superior with a vicious sneer plastered on his face. “I hope you make a fast recovery sir.” With that said, Leeteuk left Heechul behind to drown in his own denial.




Jaejoong had half a mind to squeal in surprise when he was harshly tossed onto his bed, the stiff springs doing nothing to reduce the impact of his landing. Pain shot up the trainee’s spine and throbbed in his shoulders, but he knew he couldn’t give up his act while others were still around. Instead, Jaejoong remained in his horribly uncomfortable position until the sound of retreating footsteps faded to nothing and all that remained was his brother’s panicked breath.


“Damnit Jaejoong… I can’t even bring myself to say you deserve this,” Junsu whispered. “I mean really, you-”


“I’m fine Junsu.”


A high dolphin-like shriek pierced the air and again made Jaejoong wish he didn’t have to pretend to be unconscious. “HYUNG WHAT THE-”


“Shhh!” the elder twin hissed, making Junsu instantly fall silent. His eyes stayed closed and his lips hardly moved when he spoke. “Is everyone gone?” he whispered almost inaudibly.


“The officers are and no one else is paying attention,” Junsu whispered back as his eyes quickly searched the room. “What the hell were trying to do? Make me have a heart attack??”


“Trying to keep myself out of trouble. Isn’t that what you want me to do?”


“Yeah but… that was a little extreme. I thought there was really something wrong with you.” Junsu’s eyes widened and air rushed into his lungs. “Don’t tell me you faked it the first time too!”


“No Su, that was for real. I wouldn’t do something like that unless I had to. Come on, you know me.”


The younger twin stayed quiet for a moment and slid his hand into Jaejoong’s, his mind swimming with hundreds of different thoughts. More than anything, Junsu just wanted to strangle his brother and scream, but the risk of getting a lot of attention kept him quiet. “I’m going to go talk to Yoochun for a minute… I’ll come back soon.”


Jaejoong sighed as he listened to the fading rhythm of Junsu’s footsteps, a bit of guilt poking at him because of his harsh words. True, the fighting wasn’t a new thing (they were siblings after all) but it seemed like they never did anything else since they’d been at camp 409. Between the arguing and Jaejoong’s constant absences, the elder twin slowly realized that they were gradually being driven apart. It was a very subtle separation, yes, but Jaejoong couldn’t stop himself from wondering if (or when) it would get even worse. Junsu was his entire world until Yunho came into the picture; he couldn’t do any more to damage that. And he was positive that he knew the initial cause.


Still, the trainee felt horribly guilty about the thought that just sprang into his head. How could he even think- just for a second- that he should cut his ties with Yunho to salvage the relationship with his brother that might not even really be in danger at all? Oh God the military is screwing with my head, Jaejoong thought with a sigh.


“Oh, so you are awake.” Jaejoong heard from above him, followed by a loud thump beside him. “I knew it. You’re acting needs work Jaejoong-ah; only the officers believed it. Well… them and your brother, but that’s not exactly shocking.”


One of Jaejoong’s eyes slid open only to see his bunkmate’s grinning face. “That bad huh?”  


Donghae laughed and sat beside Jaejoong’s bed, shaking his hair out of his face before speaking. “More like dreadful,” he answered with his grin still in place. “And you know, it never really occurred to me that Junsu was gay.”


Jaejoong instantly shot up in his bed, staring at his bunk mate with saucer-like eyes as panic gripped his entire being. “What are you-”


“Whoa, relax. You’d be shocked at how many of us here are.” Donghae sighed dramatically and helped himself to Jaejoong’s bed. “It’s just that none of them have the balls to admit it or make a move on the one they want- especially if the one they want is Soryeong Jung.” The elder trainee smirked at Jaejoong’s sharp gasp and his voice dropped down to a whisper. “Personally, I prefer ones who are more medically educated.”


Again Jaejoong’s eyes widened. “Soryeong Lee?” he asked quietly, to which Donghae nodded and smiled.


“Adorable isn’t he?” The trainee sighed and the dreamiest expression consumed his face. “I have to admit; I’m jealous that you’ve gotten to see him so much since you’ve been here. I tried everything to get sent to the medical ward when I started out here: fainting, purposely falling off the walls, tripping and getting hurt all the time… I even went a week without drinking anything just so I could stay with him for a few days.”


“Don’t you think that’s a little… obsessive?” Jaejoong asked slowly as he inched away from his bunk mate.


Donghae shrugged. “Now that I look back at it, I guess so, but it was so worth it. The officers eventually caught on though so I had to stop if I didn’t want to get Eunhyuk in trouble.”


The younger trainee stared at Donghae’s dreamy eyes in shock. To him, the medic seemed more like one of those spastic people who stay alone for the rest of their lives, but seeing Donghae’s face forced him to think otherwise. “So you and Soryeong Lee are…”


Donghae nodded proudly and flipped over on his back, taking up most of the space on Jaejoong’s small bed. “For almost five months now. And let me tell you Jaejoong, his medical training pays off. That man can work wonders with his hands,” he finished with another sigh. Almost instantly a pair of small hands smashed into his shoulder, effectively shoving him off of the stiff mattress and onto the floor with a surprised yelp. “What was that for?!” he shouted back up to his bunkmate.


“I really didn’t need to know what the person taking care of our health has been doing to you with his hands!” Jaejoong snapped back.


The elder just laughed and sat up, but his smile faded almost as quickly as it had come. “We haven’t done anything for a long time though,” he said softly. His gaze shifted to the floor and he paused, seemingly deep in thought. “We haven’t been able to see each other for almost a month though. It’s the price we have to pay for doing what we do, but I miss it sometimes. Having to keep it all a secret takes its toll on you after a while and sometimes I have to wonder if it’s even worth the trouble.”


“Is it?” Jaejoong asked quietly.




“Is it worth going through all the trouble to be with Soryeong Lee?” The younger trainee barely got his voice above a whisper, his mind almost not forming the words for him to speak in the first place. Half of him didn’t want the answer; was too afraid that Donghae would say that, no, it wasn’t worth the risk to spend five minutes with someone he barely knew. But the other half of him still held on to the hope that the stolen meetings were worth every second, that what he felt for Yunho wasn’t completely ludicrous and a waste of time. He watched his bunkmate intensely as he awaited the response and gauged his every move.


And to Jaejoong’s relief, Donghae’s lips stretched into a smile so pure Jaejoong could have mistaken it for a bride’s smile on her wedding day. The worry and doubt fluttered away to make room for the certainty Donghae’s words brought.


“He’s totally worth it.”




Leeteuk was surprised he could still even breathe when he stormed out of the medical ward, leaving Heechul and his ridiculous pride behind him and not entirely sure where he was going or what he was going to do when he got there. White hot rage burned his cheeks in watery trails as he turned around random corners and dark clouds gathered in the sky above him, reflecting his mood more perfectly than he’d like to admit. He could have been running in circles, and maybe he was, but the Jungnyeong couldn’t find it in himself to care about anything as long as he was farther from the man who’d stepped on his heart again.


The words Heechul had said were beyond his comprehension; both the truth about his mother’s death and the insane declaration that Leeteuk didn’t care about him. It just didn’t make any sense. He cared for Heechul more than anyone else ever had, and Leeteuk knew he would continue to do so until the day he died. His only problem was making Heechul understand and accept what he had to offer.


After what seemed like hours of wandering around the campus in a blind rage, Leeteuk ended up at his Resident building. All of the trainees had been sent back after the incident with Changmin (which he’d all but forgotten), and Leeteuk knew they would be doing nothing productive inside the concrete building. He glared at the wooden doors before shoving them open, reveling in the loud bang that rang out and caused the trainees to jump to their feet.


“All of you! Outside! Now! Don’t you dare think you’re getting a day off just because one of you dipshits decided to assault an officer!” Leeteuk screamed as he made his way through the rows of bunks, shoving a trainee every now and then that got within arms’ distance from him. He finally stopped at one bunk in particular, glaring holes into the trainee on the floor at his feet. “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he said darkly as he stared down at Donghae. The fury burning in his veins was just begging to be unleashed, and a lazy trainee was as good a victim as any. Without much of a second thought, Leeteuk’s foot swung backwards before colliding with Donghae’s side with a spine-tingling crack.


The trainee’s breath was cut off mid gasp, his mouth and eyes wide open. Pain shot through his side, exploding from his ribs and forcing a silent scream from his throat. White fireworks danced in his eyes and everything around him ceased to make sense.


Jaejoong jumped away from his bed and stared in horror at the scowling Jungnyeong as the other trainees did. Nobody moved, nobody spoke, they scarcely even breathed until Leeteuk started walking back to the front doors.


“All of you better be back on the fields in four minutes or you will suffer the consequences,” he ordered without turning around.


“But Jungnyeong Park, he needs to be taken to the medical ward!” Yoochun shouted at the Jungnyeong’s retreating back. He knelt next to Donghae and put a gentle hand on the trainee’s trembling side. “Can’t you see that you’ve hurt him?”


Leeteuk spared the trainee a glance over his shoulder. “Soryeong Lee isn’t taking patients at the moment.” Without another word, he left the Resident building.


As soon as the officer was out of sight, the trainees sprang into motion. The majority of the men bolted out the door while very few lingered behind to take one last look at their injured teammate. Even still, they only stayed for a few seconds before following the others. Only Yoochun, Jaejoong and Junsu remained in the building, and Junsu quickly hurried over to Donghae’s side.


“Why would he do that?” Junsu whispered as he knelt beside Yoochun, fear evident on his child-like face.


Yoochun just shook his head and lifted the left side of Donghae’s shirt. A dark bruise had already started to blossom on the young man’s skin and he let out a pained gasp. Yoochun frowned and turned to his lover. “You and Jaejoong go on. I don’t want you two to get in trouble.”


“There’s no way you can carry him by yourself without hurting him,” Jaejoong shot back. “You go Junsu. I’ll help Yoochun.”


“But Hyung-”


“No buts!” the elder two shouted in unison. Junsu just pouted and crossed his arms.


“We’ll be fine Susu. Jungnyeong Park won’t even notice we’re gone,” Yoochun said as he flashed a smile. His hand reached out for Junsu but it was halted by one quick glance at his twin. Damn the circumstances…


It was hard for him to make the decision, but Junsu finally left his lover and the others behind. His heart throbbed when Yoochun’s hand retreated away from him, and it nearly tore apart when he began to feel the separation. Needless to say, Junsu didn’t like it at all.


Yoochun had a similar reaction as his little kamo-butt bounced away, regardless of how much he enjoyed the view. Still, there were much more important matters at hand and he could tell that Jaejoong was glaring holes into his face while he stared at his brother’s… assets. “How are we going to do this?” Yoochun asked as he reluctantly shifted his gaze to stare down at Donghae’s pain-distorted face.


“Put your arms under his shoulders and I’ll take care of his legs,” Jaejoong answered as he shifted his position. He slipped his arm under Donghae’s knees, offering the latter a forced smile as he did so, and nodded to Yoochun.


But as soon as the first move to lift Donghae was made, a scream ripped its way out of his throat. “Stop it that hurts!!”


“Sorry!” Jaejoong instantly laid his bunkmate’s legs back down and captured his lips with his teeth, but Yoochun didn't budge.


“It has to hurt if we’re going to get him to Soryeong Lee, Jaejoong-ah. He’s not going to like it, but we have no other choice,” he explained calmly. The trainee slid his hand to Donghae’s lower back and nodded to Jaejoong. “Let’s go.”




The weight of forbidden information crushed down on Changmin like a ton of bricks, his emotions going haywire and losing control long before the slam of the medical ward’s door slapped against the silent air. The young Jungnyeong was too horrified to make any sort of movement that could bring Heechul’s attention to himself, even afraid of his own breathing.


Never had Changmin guessed that Heechul’s mother had been murdered, or that she was even dead, but now the sympathy he received after Heechul heard about Yongmin made much more sense. It was just a known fact that their Daeryeong was a very unknown person to everyone except the one who’d just been coldly pushed away. Leeteuk was hopelessly in love with a seemingly unlovable person, apparently had been for much longer than Changmin first thought, but his love had been shattered so many times it should have been beyond repair. And yet… Leeteuk kept coming back.


Changmin sighed inaudibly and slightly tightened his grip on the thin sheet encasing his body before turning over to face the demon. He kept his eyes closed as he let a soft groan escape his lips, undoubtedly gaining Heechul’s attention.


Like clockwork, he heard a low gasp and the ruffling of sheets. “Jungnyeong Shim?”


Changmin decided not to answer. Every nerve in his body was on edge, every muscle tense as he heard soft footsteps coming closer to his bed before complete silence. He couldn’t even hear Heechul’s breath despite the fact that it was gently blowing his bangs away from his closed eyes.


“Changmin-ah?” Heechul called, barely louder than a whisper.


Changmin could have sworn it was a child’s voice caressing his cheek, that the presence beside him was anyone but the Daeryeong who had been callused by time and defeated by no one other than himself. He wanted to reach out to Heechul and say that everything was ok. He wanted to say that whatever was bothering him had already been resolved. But he knew he had to just stay still and listen as Heechul dropped to his knees beside the bed.


The elder man did nothing further as silence stretched between them, just gazed at the Jungnyeong’s bruised face. Guilt pulsed in Heechul’s veins and burned behind his weary eyes. He knew nothing could make this right, but maybe- just maybe- if he could say something it wouldn’t be so bad. Taking a shaky breath, Heechul stared at the dark stains on the younger boy’s face and pretended that he was staring into Changmin’s beautiful eyes. His voice stayed low and words poured out into the still air.


“I didn’t mean for this to happen Changmin-ah…” he began quietly, biting his lip in apprehension before he continued. “I never… wanted you to get hurt. Please believe me.” Changmin felt the bed dip slightly by his arm and soft hair brushing against his skin. “I would never hurt you Changmin. My weakness almost cost you your life, and I swear I’ll never let it happen again. I’ll be strong from now on Changmin. If for anyone, I’ll be strong for you.” His cheek came to rest on the young Jungnyeong’s arm as his eyes slid closed. “I’m sorry.”


Changmin thought for a fleeting second that he felt a drop of water fall on his arm as rain began to pour on the outside world.



A/N: ok i really hate how this chapter turned out. it's godaweful. and i took forever... things just kept getting in the way. i promise the next chapter will be better and since school is starting again, it'll probably be up much faster :3 please LEAVE A COMMENT and tell me what you think. the lack of comments is getting depressing... especially when the hits are up in the hundreds and i get only 5 comments. even if it's just one word, acomment is motivation for me to update faster <3

AND ALSO! i promised i would give someone a spot other than moon1084 ((i heart her so she's first always)) but i can't remember who it was and i'm too lazy to go through and look. so! if you can just remind me ((or if you just want a spot)) let me know ^^
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