November 5th, 2008

(no subject)

Title: I Guess He'll Never Know
Length: One-shot ((1057 words))
Author: HolyStarDown
Pairing: Yunjae
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Angst. just effing angst....
Summary: "I can't do this anymore."
Author's Note: oh my gawd T-T so in my desperation to get ideas for ch9 of Letters From War, this popped up. seriously devistated me how my mind could think of this.... (( still dunno when i'll finish Chapter 9 if you were wondering...)) i died a little on the inside writing this sooo i hope it doesn't disappoint </3


“I can’t do this anymore.”

 

You sit up and let the thin white sheet fall away from your bare chest, a smile ghosting over your lips. You stare lovingly at his naked form sitting at the edge of the bed with his pale back facing you. “You don’t want to top anymore? I told you you wouldn’t like it babe.” The words spill like liquid gold out of your lips hinted with the sparkle of soft laughter as you lean forward to kiss his already marked-cover neck. But he leans away from your touch and pushes your face away with a cold hand.

 

“No Yunho. I mean us. I can’t do it anymore,” he says as his eyes narrow in deep emotional pain.

 

He might has well have torn your heart out and thrown it in the street. You lean toward him again, brushing his silky black hair out of his downcast eyes. “You don’t mean that… Just… think about what you’re saying for a little while,” you say softly against his cheek before pressing a soft kiss onto the pale, slightly flushed skin.

 

He only pushes you away again, but this time he whips around to look at you directly. “I have been thinking about this since the moment it started. I mean, I was fine with it at first… but this is so wrong. I can’t lie to her anymore.” He lowers his gaze again.

 

Your hand falls dead off his smooth skin as if those words had turned his cheek into acid. You often forgot that you were the other person, your undying love for him blinding you from the fact that you were only a secret- an object of a clandestine affair. His girlfriend of two years didn’t know anything about you, or that you existed at all; he made sure of that. You had no place to keep him if he wanted to end this three month sin. But you still wanted to try. “Jaejoong…” The beautiful name flowing past your lips with all the love in the world, but no matter how much you wanted him to hear it; you knew he wouldn’t change his mind.

 

The bed squeaked slightly as he stood up, wrapping the sheet around his small waist as he took steps toward his scattered clothes and picks them up. He reached for the silver metal of the door handle and paused, resting his forehead against the door’s wooden surface. “I’m sorry Yunho,” he whispered before walking out of the room, not sparing you a second glance.

 

--

 

It’d been a little over two months since he walked away from you that night, and you hadn’t seen or heard from him since… until just an hour ago. He called you saying that he wanted to see you again and that he had something he wanted to tell you face to face. The soft winter breeze prickled your cheeks and you hugged the thick black fabric closer to your skin. You’d been waiting for him on a bench in the middle of an old park, exactly where he told you he’d come to. Your eyes close for a brief moment, and when they slide open again, you see two figures slowly making their way toward you. He never said anything about someone coming with him, but you’re positive he’s one of those figures, most likely the one wearing the other on their right arm.

 

His godly features finally come in to view, his lips curved up in an irresistibly bright smile. The person on his arm was, just like you had guessed, his girlfriend that he gave you up to stay loyal to. “Hey,” he greets as a puff of white floats away from the mouth you were all too familiar with.

 

“Hey,” you reply as you rise to your feet. Your eyes stay focused on the face you hadn’t seen in far too long. His little accessory didn’t exist as far as you were concerned. You stare at each other for a long time until the accessory nudges his arm and whispers something in his ear with a small giggle.

 

His face loses its real light, overtaken by the façade of false happiness. “Yunho-ah, I’d like you to meet Heebin…” he says in his angelic voice with a short pause. “…my fiancé.”

 

You’re amazed that the entire world didn’t hear your heart split open. The life in your face drains out and leaves you hollow- dead to the rest of the universe. Your right hand instinctively slides into your jacket pocket.

 

“We’re having the wedding in Japan in three weeks and staying there after. I just… thought you should know so you don’t worry about me if I don’t see you around anymore,” he says. It’s almost like it hurt him to say it almost as much as it hurt you to hear it. The little smiling accessory was oblivious to the emotional train wreck unfolding around her as she held onto his arm even tighter.

 

You can’t even force the fake ‘congratulations’ out that you beg your mouth to say for the accessory’s sake. All you can do is stand there and try not to get cut by the shattered pieces of your heart and try to stick them back together in vain. He knows what he’s done, but he can’t let it show.

 

“I guess this is goodbye then,” he says softly, to which you only nod. You know that if you look at him now, you’ll drop to your knees and beg for him to stay with you forever, not her.

 

“Goodbye…” you repeat. That one word contained the sorrow of the world.

 

He still has the audacity to hold his hand out to you, that vile gold band on his finger glittering in the sunlight.

 

You take his hand in yours, your right hand still burrowed in you jacket pocket. It takes all of your strength to hold back the tears burning in your still downcast eyes. All too soon he withdraws his hand, attached with it half of your heart. You’re deaf to the couple’s goodbyes and too blinded by tears to watch them walk away. Your right arm tightens over your slightly swollen belly as the tears finally spill over and rain onto the ground at your feet.

 

 I guess he’ll never know…

 

 

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