HolyStarDown (holystardown) wrote,

Title: Letters From War
Length: [14d/?]
Author: HolyStarDown
Pairing: Yunjae, Yoosu, Leeteuk and Heechul ((Tuekchul?))
Rating: Overall NC-17 
Genre: Romance, angst, drama
Disclaimer: i only own them in my dreams
Summary: In the breaking point of the Korean war, two brothers get drafted into the military and forced to fight for the lives. literally. punishment in camp 409 is just as unforgiving as its officers. attraction? frowned upon. affection? unheard if. love? strickly forbidden. But the training camp they thought they knew gets turned upside down when six of them decide to leave no rule left unbroken
Author's Note: chapter 13 is hella long. like almost 3x the usual length of my chapters. and it's all teukchul for this chapter. but! before you run away screaming in a yunjae-deprived rage, hear me out. it's all leeteuk/heechul's memory except the very end so it's VERY important to the fic. VERY IMPORTANT. so please read it even if you don't like the teukchul.  this is the last part of chapter 13 :D the non-italic part at the end happened right before the end of chapter 12

{Prologue} {Ch 1} {Ch 2} {Ch 3} {Ch 4} {Ch 5a} {Ch 5b} {Ch 6} {Ch 7} {Ch 8} {Ch 9a} {Ch 9b} {Ch 10} {Ch 11} {Ch 12}

Chapter 13a
Chapter 13b
Chapter 13c

Part D

Twenty year old Jungwi Kim Heechul paced his room, feet mercilessly wearing down the thin carpet below his feet. Today was the day he would push Jung Yunho to the limit to see if the new Sangsa was strong enough to handle their worst. Yongmin’s time would come in two days; he couldn’t deal with the anguish that would come with that day just yet. Still, he dreaded both days, but he knew that they would have to come eventually if he wanted to convince Sunghe that they were worthy of taking his place.


His pacing came to an abrupt halt when a Jungnyeong appeared in his doorway. “Daejang Kim said I needed to see you,” he said blankly.


Heechul couldn’t bring himself to look at the other man. “Send Jung Yunho to the chambers immediately,” he ordered.


The Jungnyeong’s eyes noticeably widened. “Sangsa Jung? What has he done wrong?” he asked with disbelief obvious in his voice.


“Don’t question me, just do it.” Shards of feigned ice shot from Heechul’s eyes, his voice like a blizzard. “And you will do the same to Shim Yongmin the day after Sangsa Jung is released at 0200 hours.”


The Jungnyeong stiffened. “I know for a fact Yongmin hasn’t done anything to deserve that.”


“Did I ask for you opinion Jungnyeong Hanye?”


“No, but I don’t have to take unjustified orders from a Jungwi,” the superior officer said firmly.


No one ever heard from Jungnyeong Hanye after that night.




Heechul made sure that he woke up early to attend Yunho’s release the next day. The morning was still dark and so still Heechul feared walking through could make it all shatter. He approached the small concrete building just as a Jungnyeong began undoing the seven locks.


“Someone’s up early Jungwi Kim,” the elder said when Heechul came to stand at his side.


“I put him in here. I want to see how he held up,” Heechul replied quietly.


The final lock clicked out of place and the Jungnyeong faced the younger man. “Careful Heechul; one might believe that you care.” The door opened to darkness and he returned his gaze to its depths. “Sangsa Jung Yunho, on your feet.”




“Sangsa Jung!” When again the Jungnyeong got no response, he stepped into the chamber. Shuffling and a sharp gasp pierced the silence before the Jungnyeong emerged from the darkness with Yunho’s collar gripped tightly in his hand.


The second he saw Yunho’s face Heechul wished he would have never come to see this. Raw fear shone in the trembling Sangsa’s eyes as the nineteen year old boy looked up at him, making him look more like a child than Heechul had ever seen another officer in his life. He could feel the needles piercing his skin from just that one look, ripping away his sense of rationality and forcing him to step away. Flashes of darkness assaulted him and he was hopelessly lost in the younger’s hollow black eyes- both conscious but neither really there.


A hellish eternity passed before Yunho finally spoke, his voice reduced to a whisper. “What did I do wrong?” he asked softly.


With that one question Heechul knew he would never be able to do this to Yongmin unless he was begging for his heart to be torn to pieces.





 A thin off-white file shook in Heechul’s trembling hands, fury and a feeling of betrayal piling up into mountains of anger that threatened to topple at any moment. The door opened and his eyes began to sting. How could he do this?


“You wanted to see me Jungnyeong Kim?” Yongmin asked as he entered the room. The light in the boy’s eyes had slightly dulled over the years but it still shone brightly as those chocolate brown eyes gazed down at Heechul. He looked so, so innocent… he couldn’t be such a bloody liar.


“Where is your brother Jungnyeong Shim?” Heechul asked, repressed anger making his voice waver, his control pulled more tightly than a bow string and ready to snap at any second.


The boy stiffened and the light completely vanished. “Changmin?”


Heechul slammed a file equipped with Changmin’s name and picture on the Daejang’s desk and his voice dropped low and deadly. “Where is Shim Yongmin?” he demanded.


The Jungwi said nothing for far too long. “Do you really want me to explain or is that question just a formality?” he finally asked. His head lowered and soft brown hair shielded his eyes from the other man in front of him.


“I’d actually like to know why you deliberately lied to all of us. To me.” The deadly edge in Heechul’s voice sliced through the air and straight into the younger officer.  The Jungnyeong’s blazing stare seemed to burn him alive as they sat in horrid silence.


Changmin’s chocolate brown orbs became hollow pits of sorrow as his mind searched for the right words and the ability to hold himself together. “Yongmin is sick. Dying. He can’t… He couldn’t even remember my name when I decided to take his place in coming here. And he’s been getting worse every day. They… don’t know what’s wrong with him. My mother had to quit her job so she could stay home and take care of him…  I knew I’d make enough money here to pay for everything at home.” Changmin took a deep, shaking breath before he finally looked up into Heechul’s eyes. “Please, you have to understand. They need me.”


Heechul’s anger instantly shattered and he found himself speechless. Waves of emotion that he’d been without for so long flooded back to him and threatened to spill out, keeping him just as silent as the air surrounding them.


“Does Daejang Kim know about this?” Changmin asked quietly.


“I’m the only one,” Heechul answered when he finally found his voice. The two officers just stared at each other as time slipped by unnoticed. Heechul’s heart exploded with emotion for the boy, and he couldn’t help remembering that he’d felt this way for someone else long ago.




Leeteuk came to the conclusion that he no longer enjoyed promotions. As a Jungnyeong, he knew there was nowhere else for him to go, but it also meant that he could potentially be deciding someone else’s fate. The majority of the decision was left with their new Daeryeong, of course, and Leeteuk agreed with every choice he made… except when it came to a certain Shim Changmin.

Soryeong Shim Changmin was a lying, scheming, manipulative bastard that certainly wasn’t worthy of Heechul’s affection. Not only had he lied though his teeth to everyone about who he really was, but Leeteuk had seen him lie to another officer’s face to cover for someone else more times that it should ever be accepted. And now that same lying, scheming, manipulative bastard has the potential to become a Jungnyeong. Above anything else, Leeteuk was sure he could like Changmin just as the other officers did; the young boy was the only cheerful person in the camp and did everything wonderfully with only one try. Leeteuk just didn’t like competition- and the struggle for Heechul’s attention was a BIG competition.


Only one room away, Daeryeong Kim Heechul was having the same exact thought: promotions suck. Only three Jungnyeong positions could be filled. Four Soryeong’s were perfect for the spots. And there lied his dilemma. He stared at the list of names again, running his finger over the four names marked in red. “Choi Siwon, Jung Yunho, Han Chirimi, Shim Changmin…” he read slowly for the nth time that morning. The choice had to be finalized in less than an hour, and yet he was still no closer to a decision than he had been the night before. He knew who he wanted to choose, but a twenty one year old Jungnyeong wouldn’t go over very well with the current Wonsu- not to mention that same Soryeong had lived a lie for the majority of his time in the military.


With a deep sigh, Heechul crossed out one of the names, flipped the file closed, and left his room.


That night, every officer in camp 409 gathered in the common room, whispering and muttering words of blind arrogance to one another. Soryeong Jung Yunho rushed in behind the others and slid into the chair between his twenty nine year old best friend and twenty seven year old partner. Neither looked at him when he sat down.


“You’re late,” Soryeong Han Chirimi whispered from Yunho’s left while the Soryeong to his right fought to hide his smirk.


“I know that,” Yunho whispered back. All eyes watched Heechul as the Daeryeong made his way to the front of the room.


“Being late certainly won’t help you get that promotion Soryeong Jung.”


Yunho glared at the man to his right. “Tell me something I don’t already know Siwon,” he hissed, but fell silent as soon as Heechul began to speak.


The speech was short and Leeteuk waited anxiously for the part that they all actually cared about. He sent occasional glances to Changmin while Heechul spoke, hidden fire burning in his chest just begging for an escape that never came.


“Starting when you leave this room, you will have three new Jungnyeongs,” Heechul said before taking a deep breath and fixing his eyes on the wall behind the crowd of faces. “Jungnyeong Han Chirimi, Jungnyeong Choi Siwon, and Jungnyeong J-…” he took another quick, deep breath. “And Jungnyeong Shim Changmin.”


Just like that, something inside Leeteuk snapped. All sound went mute. Time froze. The only two people remained in the room and one of them was silently freaking the fuck out. Heechul’s face stayed as emotionless as ever, but so tense Leeteuk feared it would all shatter in an instant. He dismissed the officers and they filed out of the room, leaving only Leeteuk behind. The latter approached Heechul and stood a safe distance away.


“Is there something wrong Daeryeong Kim?” he asked cautiously.


Heechul hastily tucked the file under his arm and walked away without saying a word. A sheet of paper fluttered to the ground in his wake, left as forgotten as Leeteuk felt.


“Heechul your-” but Leeteuk was cut off by the Daeryeong’s door slamming shut. He snatched the paper off the ground and scanned the words written on it, his mouth dropping open at the end in a soft gasp.


In a list of names four stood out, written in blood red. Shim Changmin’s name had been violently scribbled out.




The memories swam in Heechul’s mind all morning from the second he woke up, tearing open the old wounds in his heart that had never quite healed. Everything came crashing down on him, forbidding him to breathe. He needed release. He needed to get away. He needed…


Before he could even finish the thought, Heechul found himself digging through his drawer for his green escape. He swore he’d give the stuff up, really he did, but it remained close at hand for a day like this. Nobody knew he’d stolen the cannabis leaves from Eunhyuk; it never crossed their mind that he’d been hopelessly addicted to it for two years before he came into the military. None of his weaknesses ever did.


The razor sharp end of his pen had never looked as beautiful as when it sliced through the pale skin on his wrist and the partially healed cut on his finger. But the pen was soon abandoned on the floor underneath a drizzle of scarlet rain.


**cannabis is proper name for weed
Tags: lfw update, lj is being a weenie

  • Opportunity of a Lifetime

    Title: Opportunity of a Lifetime Length: Oneshot (970w) Pairing: Yifan/Yixing Rating: NC-17 Genre: pwp pretty much Opportunity of a Lifetime…

  • We Sell Real Tea

    Title: We Sell Real Tea Length: Oneshot (~2900w) Pairing: Kris/Kyungsoo Rating: PG-13 (for slight language and alcohol use) Genre: general We…

  • Time to Make Time

    Title: Time to Make Time Length: Oneshot (~2600w) Pairing: Chen/Suho Rating: PG Genre: general, fluff Time to Make Time 12:06pm. Still…

  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 


  • Opportunity of a Lifetime

    Title: Opportunity of a Lifetime Length: Oneshot (970w) Pairing: Yifan/Yixing Rating: NC-17 Genre: pwp pretty much Opportunity of a Lifetime…

  • We Sell Real Tea

    Title: We Sell Real Tea Length: Oneshot (~2900w) Pairing: Kris/Kyungsoo Rating: PG-13 (for slight language and alcohol use) Genre: general We…

  • Time to Make Time

    Title: Time to Make Time Length: Oneshot (~2600w) Pairing: Chen/Suho Rating: PG Genre: general, fluff Time to Make Time 12:06pm. Still…